INTRODUCTION - Here is where my weight loss journey begins

Let me warn you in advance that you may have to excuse me if I appear to be waffling. I am speaking straight from the heart allowing each thought and feeling to pour out of me. I want this to be as honest a blog as possible.

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Big Girls Don't Cry

I am overweight and for as long as I've known myself I've been overweight. At 5feet 9 inches and currently carrying 18 stones & 6 pounds of weight I have a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 38.31 which means I am officially OBESE. What a horrid word "obese" is. I've always hated the word, makes me feel somewhat abnormal detached somehow, from society. I guess my saving grace is I'm not "very obese" ha ha ... nevertheless it is something that should be taken seriously.

I've always been aware of being fat, thanks to those comments and/or jokes made by friends, family and foe.

"sticks and stones may break my bones ...."

Name calling is something I have never gotten used to. Even now, when I am fast approaching 30yrs of age; words and gestures of ridicule, by those who do and don't know me still hurt.

I suffer from a huge lack of self-confidence and this has impinged on so many facets of my life; my career, my friendships and & success in love (I'm single - no surprises there ! J )
I guess people have preconceived ideas about fat women they are either; fat and bubbly OR fat and threatening. With my height I fall into the latter category although it isn't true. Unfortunately now, I have a distinct lack of trust in people.
Never the "damsel in distress", I’m always in the "big girls don't cry" category.

"every journey begins with the first step ...."

Now aged 28 I've decided that I want to be a damsel. I've always had knee and ankle problems and I've come to the realisation that these problems have originated from being overweight and are perpetuated by my weight. So now I am going to claw back the damage a lifetime of being overweight has done to my body and totally transform myself into a specimen of health and fitness. Despite "well-meaning" friends/family who insist I'm healthy and not overweight say.

I want increase my physical and mental well-being. I want to be able to walk down the street and not feel as though people are laughing at me or staring at me with a look of horror in their eyes.

I'm currently 18st 6Ib's (116kgs) my goal over the next 12 months is 10st 6Ib’s (66kg).

The thought of being hungry scares me as I hate being hungry, but it's a cross I have to bear until my body gets used to it. I've tried all the various diet clubs before without success - in part due to my cynicism. I always felt it was more about making money than helping folk lose weight.

Anyway I'm doing it alone this time with my practice nurse keeping an eye on proceedings.

This is going to be one of the hardest journeys I'll ever undertake in life and I want to succeed.

My diary is a log of my food intake and thoughts; it is not a diet for others to follow per. I want to inspire and for anyone reading to find solace in my story.

Thanks for reading
xx