Wednesday 6th December 06

Just finished a 1/2 packet of toffee and walnut shake - 1 down, one to go. I think the flavour tastes a bit like vanilla, which I've gone off. I can't wait to get come more cappuccino!

1.5 litres of water consumed so far.

Went to Tesco with work colleague with the intention of buying some cooked chicken. I decided not to. I'm drinking Oriental Soup sans any food.I'm feeling OK, but I'm finding things a little hard.

2.5 litres consumed so far.

1/2 strawberry shake consumed.

People are asking me why I'm quiet. Gggrrr... you just can't win.

I'm cheerful and it's construed as 'loud' 'mad' 'gregarious' 'brash' and I'm treated like the class clown etc. I'm quiet and I'm being asked why.I'm feeling miserable because I'm sick of the front I have to put on to feel part of the team, to feel I fit in. It's so sapping! I'm sick of TRYING.They think I'll be acting like a class clown at the Christmas do as well. I don't want to go I really don't, but friends have advised me to go because I have to be seen to 'fit in' a 'team player'. I hate office politics and it's made worse when you're fat!I need a hug and kiss from my boyfriend - alas I haven't had one for six long years.

I've paid for my hotel now so I have to go. I think it'll put me in good sead for my career in the long run and enable me to earn oodles! I constantly feel I'm on the defensive from everyone because whilst I'm outwardly confident my weight and appearance (I know you think I'm alright looking but lets not go there again ....) are breaking my heart. Thus when someone is having a laugh and a joke I take it personally when possibly a rational person wouldn't. It really has caused me problems in the past and I don't want to jeapordise the job and friends I have at the moment. It's bloomin' hard though. I wish there was someone I could confide in at work, but there isn't.

As for men - I dont' wish for a boyfriend, just wish *sometimes* I knew someone loved and desired me.

So on a change of subject:4 litres of water consumed todayI'm in the pink ever so slightly, so I'm chuffed to bits! I will now not test it.

Monday I drew a 10x10 grid to mark of the days of SSing. I'm two days in thus far. If I'm naughty then the grid is started again.

I've yet another cake in the oven - and it smells divine (think cinnamon, nutmeg, rum soaked fruit and brandy). I haven't tasted it at all.Overcame some serious temptation.

See: http://www.minimins.com/news-please-read/5437-food-dump-6.html

I think 4 litres of water per day is my maximum. I don’t think I can fit anymore in without peeing myself on the way home and being on the loo throughout the night.

Just waiting for the cake to bake then off to sleep.

Doing exercise does wonders for my mood, so I'm going to make an effort to be a regular attendee.