Saturday 15th July 2006Oh the irony; the fatter one is the more invisible one feels.
I went to salsa last night. It's the first time I've been in ages. I tend not to go because I'm ignored, I guess the chaps feel i'd be too imobile to dance with. I used to think salsa was fantastic, because going out for the night wasn't about what a girl looked like, it was all about the dancing. How quickly I realised that ment want to dance with pretty girls.
I'm so bitter about society. Can't help it though. Everything is geared around 'ideals' and I'm the antitheses of those ideals. Everyone wants to feel wanted - I want to feel as though I belong, I don't want to stand out, thus I have to conform.
E-mailed my Cambridge Counsellor; she doesn't normally reply to my e-mails, OK by me. called her to confirm an appointment for Saturday week, but unusually her voicemail clicked on, so either she's on holiday or somethings wrong. she's harsh, strict, but I really do believe I'll succeed with her, I like her sterness in a perverse way - despite the fact she sometimes pisses me off. I'm hoping to get fully on track come Friday. I'm away on business for part of this week which will disrupt my success. I want a clear 7 days of coing Cambridge without any breaks.
It's also strange how friends become experts in weight loss when one attempts to discuss it. I'll keep my mouth shut and do it my own way I think. Have you ever suspected sabotage? An unwillingness by friends to support you for fear of you being a success? Fear of you becoming the person you really ought to be, no longer the subservient 'crowd pleaser'. I may not have begun to achieve my goal, but I will then I will know who my friends really are ...............
20st 1.5Ib at this moment in time.
Much love to you all. If you have any tales of inspiration, please share them with me.
Lots of love ...
Foxxy xxxxxxx
