24th May 2006

It's cold and rainy outside even though the date on my calender tells me it's the end of May.

I'm on my period and feel sweaty and tormented, and it's caused me to wake up really early. Most of all I feel fat and miserable.

I have a nasty habit of looking at things retrospectively and then dwelling on them as though they are important when they aren't. If I had stuck to the Cambridge Diet since my first ever post on this here blog I'd be around 5 stones (70Ib's / 31.8kgs) lighter.
Instead I'm ....... I'm ashamed to say I've just weighed myself and the scales say 20st and 2Ibs (127.9kgs / 282Ibs).

I feel so tormented. I can't sleep at all hence the reason why I've snuck in and used this computer (my computer isn't working, I need to reload Windows).

I invested in some scales so that I could keep my own track on my weight. I've just weighed myself and the scales read as follows:

Weight: 20st 2Ibs [127.9kgs]
Body fat percentage: 45%
Body Water percentage: 33%

BMI - 41.6437 (courtesy of NHS Direct)

(If your BMI is over 40 you're very obese. This means you're seriously over the ideal weight for your height. Are you eating too many foods that are high in fat and sugar? In order to lose this extra weight you need to make positive changes to your lifestyle and stick to them. Losing weight will help prevent severe health problems such as heart disease and diabetes and extend your life expectancy.)

This has got to stop!!! Ideally:

Weight: 11st 2Ibs [70.9kgs]
Body fat percentage: 25%
Body Water percentage: 50%
BMI - 18-24 (courtesy of NHS Direct)

Problem I need to stop listening to the detractors who tell me I look fine, because I don't.

Monday 15th May 2006

Hhhmmmm well I lost 7Ibs this week.
Started at 19st 11Ibs on Tuesday (9th May) and weighed 19st 4Ibs by the following Saturday (13th May).
I breathed a sigh of relief as I couldn't bear another 'telling off'.

I'm going to attempt the 21-day "habit forming" rule.

Thanks for listening.

My computer is on the blink AGAIN (((ggrrr....))) so my posting here may not be daily. I'll try to be however.

Tuesday 9th May 06

Survived!

Well I did it. I completed my first day.My day went like this:

Breakfast: Strawberry Shake
Lunch: Vanilla Shake

Gym - 40 mins

Dinner: Crisps (made from vegetable soup) with a green salad and black pepper.

My CDC suggested I have 4 shakes per day (I'm 5'9) and have a green salad* with my lunch and dinner shakes, just to help me get over the feeling of not chewing.

This is the first time EVER I've dreaded the impending warm weather. I have no clothes and the clothes in the shops are not my style and the ones that do appeal some don't fit.

As I said before, I now start my journey at 19st 11Ibs (277Ibs / 125.6kgs)

Tuesday 9th May 2005

Well I went to see my (abrasive) counsellor yesterday. She seems to think I have an issue with food and may be the diet isn't suited to me. I think all the more reason for me to do it in my humble opinion. However I DONT think I have issues. Sometimes if someone is told something enough they'll believe it.

I don't have an issue with food. I'm just bone-idle.

I'm about to tuck into my first shake of the day and my first shake in about 6 weeks!

I guess yet another journey begins.

Much love ... all!

Monday 8th May 2006

I've just returned from a trip to the Lake District. Beautiful scenery and the food is to die for.

ANyway I resolved myself to losing weight this week. I've never felt so fat in all my life (even though I've been heavier).

I think a huge part of my failure thus far with all my diets is, I trully don't believe I could ever be much smaller than the size I am. I think it's a barrier to my discipline.

I've just contacted my Cambridge Counsellor so will see her tonight.

Much love everyone who reads this.