TUESDAY 29th March 2006

Stress at work, feeling generally unloved by family (but whats new?!)

Good intentions went awry. I'm not proud of myself.

That's all I want to say.

Tomorrow.

I'm not a failure, I'm not a failure, I'm not a failure.

TOMORROW!!!!!!!

Vanilla - Breakfast
Strawberry - Lunch
Mushroom (yum!) - Dinner
Chocolate 'muffin' - dessert

I'm not a failure. I will lose at LEAST 4 stones by the end of this year!

MONDAY 27th MARCH 2006

Hi there,

Thank you all for your support (I thought the only person reading this was Zesty!). I am suitably chuffed.

Bad News ....

.... I'm afraid.

I didn't get the job and that has sent me in a downward spiral. Apparently I was "close" and they were "torn", but that really means nothing as I still didn't get the job. I'm stuck in this job which really is nothing more than a glorified cleaner (not that there is anything wrong with being a cleaner, but that wasn't my aim in life). I'm now 19st 3Ibs

Last week I went for a 3rd interview for another job, I spent the whole day doing presentations sitting tests all on 4 hours sleep - my current job has been demanding of my time. I was so tired I went the wrong way down the motorway; I've NEVER done that in my entire life.

It's Monday and it seems I haven't got this job either ..... and yes I've comfort ate like there's no tomorrow.

However, seeing your comments has inspired me to try again. I'm scared of dying young and all I want to be is fit and healthy. I love exercise, but hate doing it because of my weight; the fat hinders me.

I promise to blog every day and report on my progress.

Thanks for reading and sharing your comments with me.

Much Love YYY

Disappointment

Saw my CD Counsellor on Saturday (she decided that I needed to see her on my own - which seems to be fair).

I'm STILL 18st 10Ibs, I blame it on not following the Cambridge Diet properly. Although I was in Ketosis, I ate nuts to stave off hunger.

She's put me on the 1000kcal diet;

Cambridge for breakfast + 250ml of skimmed milk + fruit
Cambridge for lunch, plus salad, plus 1 piece of fruit
Low GI meal + fruit

She says doing this is better than nothing, I'll still lose weight but not at the same rate. The CD is just not suited to me.

I think I'm a failure in as much as I don't have any will-power and I'm ashamed of myself.

Thanks for listening.

17th March 2006

Happy St. Patricks Day to you!


I was absolutely starving last night. When I got home I decided to try the Mushroom soup (the lactose free one). I have to say it was very tasty, I actually quiet enjoyed it. Then I tried some cayenne pepper in it, which added a little zing the the proceedings.It was thick and yummy and filled me up.

I've so far resisted carbs, (in spite of having them literally shoved in my face by well-meaning colleagues), hopefully when I see my Cambridge Diet Counsellor tomorrow, I will for the first time see some weight loss.

My face certainly looks slimmer, although that may just be my imagination.
I am hungry at the moment ..... not good so I'll indulge in a shake soon.

15th March 2006

I've lost my Disgo memory stick! It had my presentation on it. The presentation is being done as part of a recruitment process for a new job.

Yesterday I was so upset ... why are things so hard for me - that's what I thought.

I am tired of this dead end job, I'm disliking my boss and this establishment with everyday that passes .... and when I have a real opportunity to leave my crummy job, I misplace my memory stick! The only reason I had it was because the idiot that messed up my PC wanted it to download a driver on it so that my PC could get working! How vex am I?!! VERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a 4 hour cry, stuffed my face with scraps of cake and ate a plate of cauliflower, asparagus and cod (in butter sauce). Then when I couldn't take it anymore, went to bed.

I dunno how I'm going to fair on Sat when my counsillor weighs me. Right now I don't care.

Tuesday 14th March 2006

Hhmmmm well, I have my PC at home back, but it's been absolutley ruined, so I'm STILL stuck with staying at work late just to roam the net - not good as I have things to do and prepare for. I could cry! 8 yrs worth of e-mails GONE!

Anyway, I've been attempting Cambridge diet all week - successfully? Who knows. My counsellor weighed me on Sunday, I'm 18st10 - however I've lost inches, bizarrely (I reckon it's my sports bra!)

Yesterday morning, 6AM, I went for the first of many runs in 2006, I only managed to run continuously for 5.5 minutes before I had to stop I used to be ablt to run for 30 minutes without stopping (I have never in my adult life been less than 16.5 stones). My run was 12 minutes in total (I had a 1.5 minute break).

I think my two reasons for losing weight are:
1. become attractive (improve my confidence)
2. get fit - stay fit; weight doesn't help.

My emotions have been up and down, when I've felt out of control I've been munching on Macadamia's - sacrilege I know, but they keep me in ketosis.

Anyway, that all from me!

DAY 1/100 (8th March 2006)

Part 1
Day 1 of day 100, so far, so good. Midday has just passed and I'm feeling OK, no hunger.

Part 2
Today I had to whisper to myself "I AM STRONG, I CAN DO THIS", I then threw the mini babybel in the bin, drank a 2nd shake and was OK.

Now (at 17:00hrs) I'm thinking about macadamia nuts. There aren't any here, but boy I'd devour them if they were.

When I get home, I will once again tell myself I am strong and in control and settle down to my third shake of the day.

Sometimes we need to verbalise our inner strength to reaffirm our physical strength.

Thanks for listening.

xxx

8th March 2006

I've decided to start again - the only thing stopping me is me. I'll take it one hour at a time.

2 stones by April 30th, thats what I'm aiming for.

Thanks for listening.

Monday 6th March,

Was my friends birthday yesterday, but as yet I haven't had time to wish her happy birthday due to the time difference (she's in LA), I must do that.

Anyway I'm curerntly munching through a fruit and nut flapjack - in the full knowledge I won't be tomorrow. I have been extremely busy and couldn't risk the constant toilet breaks I'd be taking had I been following the Cambridge diet. I had a job interview today things seemed to go OK. I went in thinking positively, in the full knowledge I believed I can do the job and I conveyed the point to the intervierwers also. "I'm here because I believe I can do the job". If I'm unsuccessful I believe it will be their loss.

I've also just found out that I've been called for a 2nd interview elsewhere - so I am happy. My current job get me down a little as I'm surrounded by negative inward thinking people, not good.

As for my diet and exercise? Well, Friday was filled walking and Salsa dancing ..... Saturday was thwarted because of more snow.

Oh well .... here's to tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

3rd March 2006.

Firstly a HUGE thank you for reading my blog.

I nearly threw up drinking my (usually lovely) Chocolate Mint shake yesterday morning. I've changed my ideals.

I'll perservere with Cambridge in my own time (it's a mental thing). I'm committing to exercising at least 3 times per week for 30 minutes.

I haven't done regular exercise for about 6 months and I'm REALLY feeling it now.

Yesterday I went to the gym, despite the snow and the very very very cold conditions (-5 yesterday). I wanted to get to a yoga class that I found, but I was too late, the class had alread started when I got there, well when one can only drive at 20 miles per hour on icy roads I can't say I was too upset at myself. So I drove to my local gym instead and worked out. My schedule was as follows:

2 minutes on the exercise bike, easy pedalling.
5 minutes stretching arms, legs, calf etc.
10 minutes on the bike, hard pedalling.
2 x 12 sit-ups on an elovated bench
15 minutes on the cross trainer (1 minute out of every five, pedalling backward)
2 x 12 seated row (15kgs weights)
3 minutes on the running machine

Job done.