28th February 2006 -

on the cusp of yet another new month ....

..... and not an ounce of progress made.

I just can't seem to get into this diet and I keep backsliding.

I've lost a little weight (I'm now 18st 9) but I haven't sole-sourced.

I seem to have a mental block about the whole thing.I can't being myself to it. I've done it for 2.5 days at the end of January, but can't bring up the momentum again.

March beckons and I see myself facing another fat, hot, conscious, sweaty, tented (fat people wear tents) summer.

What is wrong with me?

Tomorrow is a new day I suppose.

I'm still here.

22nd February 2006 (in retrospect 23/02/2006)

Well I managed to get through the day as follows:

Cheese & chicken - with a chocolate mint shake

Lunch - Cheese & chicken again with a strawberry shake

Dinner:Cheese with roast chicken

Damn when I look at it I didn't have too many shakes!

ANyway I'm going to attempt to Sole Source for 23/02/06.

Didn't get much sleep because once again I woke twice to use the toilet - I'm drinking loads of water, so I'm feeling exhausted and my eyelids are having muscle spasms.

These shakes are supposed to be nutritionally complete, so I will force myself to drink all 4 on the 23rd/Feb/2006.

Still no exercise, I just don't have the energy.

I have mixed feelings about my job offer - Stoke is 30 (so thats a 60 mile journey per day) miles from where I am and the wage package being offered doesn't justify the journey. So I'm trying to negotiate. If it isn't in my favour then I'll have to walk away. I hate confrontation; which I guess is a trait of built up in me because being big, people assume you are aggresive. Anyway I dreaded telling mmy potential future employers that I need more money ... I've never done that before, however I "felt the fear - and did it anyway".

I was thinking may be I should employ such a tactic on my love life and confidence around men?

Thanks for listening.

21st February 2006 - (retrospective view point)


I've just had a little cheese and egg mayo as I'm feeling quite rough today and somewhat sleep deprived. My head is also hurting.

Why am I feeling sleep deprived? - I went to bed at circa 11:15pm last night, my alarm goes off at 4:45am. I'm usually OK - however the last two nights have consisted of me using the toilet 3+ times per night.

Anyway - I tested my urine last night and this morning and the Ketostick indicates that I'm on the first rung of Ketosis i.e. there is a trace of Ketones in my urine.

Tomorrow I'm back to sole sourcing. No protein just the shakes. When I sole sourced before, the Ketostick turned very very deep purple, one rung from the maximum, on the third day. I was very hydrated at the time. However I did have a hardcore work-out at the gym the day before (2nd day sole source), so that would have helped deplete my glycogen stores.

I'm not feeling great though as I say my head hurts and I'm exhausted and just wanted to stay in bed this morning. I suspect my grottiness is attributed to my lack of sleep.

I wanted to do some exercise - I miss being fit, but this week has been a washout thus far.

On another note - my very tight trousers feel less tight. Strange, but true.

Thanks for listening.

21st February 2006

Weak Moment! followed by Iron Will

I'm hungry. I went to bed with no appetite at all. Now I'm ravenous. I got to Birmingham New Street and actually went to Marks and Spencers to buy some cheese to nibble. Fortunately I didn't buy any.

I'm still hungry though. I'm waiting an hour or so I don't suffer afternoon hunger pangs. I will hopefully glug 1 litre before 9:30am.

I've had my chocolate mint shake (breakfast) and a strawberry shake (lunch) supplemented by one mouthful of cheese and egg mayonnais & prawns this afternoon.

Inspiration.....

Just had a really inspirational voicemail from my Cambridge Diet Counsellor.

She really believes in me, more than I probably believe in myself.

She knows how weak-willed I am too, but she says "you can do it" and if it gets tough, not to be hard on myself i.e. have something to eat, to save myself from backsliding completely.

I must admit, her words of support have jollied me, at this moment in time when I can feel my tonsils flaring up AGAIN.

I'm going home in a moment. Once I get home I will drink a Vanilla/Coffee shake (yum) with a 1/2 litre of water. Then I will test my urine for ketones. If I'm in dire need of something savoury i will buy a chicken breast from Asda again and eat it with cheese as I did yesterday.

Good News?

On another note, I've been offered a new job - with better scope and prospects. Only problem is it's in Stoke (which I don't mind), however I'd be on less money than I am currently earning, so travelling to stoke may prove rather costly.

Decisions ..... decisions ........

Thanks for reading.

20 February 2006

I seemed to get through yesterday fine. Although I must drink more fluid; at least 5 litres of liquid per day.

So my intake as follows:

1/3 vanilla shake sachet before I left for work - just to warm me up on the train. It's cold outside!

Breakfast: Vanilla Shake (with decaffinated coffee)

Lunch: Strawberry shake

Dinner: Vanilla shake

Supper: chicken breast topped with cheese - I'm allowed 4 shakes per day. In hindsight I could have survived on the four, since I didn't actually have 4 shakes yesterday (I had 3⅓), but I really needed some savoury food to keep my sanity and since the savoury Cambridge shakes make me gag, this was the best alternative and I'm happy with it.

Went to bed and read some information out of my Atkins Diet book on Ketosis and Benign Dietary Ketosis (a phrase coined by him).

I'm just wondering how long it will take to fall into ketosis.

20th February 2006

Day 2 of Sole Sourcing.

I'm not feeling bad at all really. Obviously my body has plenty of glycogen stores!

I drank loads of water yesterday, to the point that my poo was like having the runs!

Went to see my Cambridge Counsellor yesterday. She seemed positive and I guess some of the positivity rubbed off on me.

My measurements haven't changed, but my weight has. I'm now 18st 12, which isn't too bad.

I now have 4 flavours shakes to enjoy
Vanilla,
Vanilla+decaff coffee,
ChocMint,
Strawberry

I'm pleased my journey has been be lessened by virtue of having less weight to lose.

I'll test for ketosis on Wednesday.

Drinking my Vanilla&Coffee as I type I have a meeting and don't want to drink my shake there.

Thanks for reading.

20th February 2006

Hi there,

Well I completed my first day yesterday (19th February 06). I'm hungry. Oh well here's to shifting some weight.

Someone suggested adding some coffee (I use decaf) to my shakes to add variety. It certainly works, so I'm chuffed I have effectively 4 flavours a day now!

Want to start exercising again as I feel desperately unfit and I don't like it. So will start running again this evening only 30 minutes run/walk schedule. Running is FREE!

I have an interview on Friday, fingers crossed!

Thanks for listening.

17th February 2006

Don't think I'm in Ketosis.

Seeing my counsellor on Sunday for some shakes.

Ii've decided upon:

Chocolate Mint (breakfast)
Strawberry (lunch)
Vanilla (dinner)
Vanilla (night cap)

I'm positive though.

16th February 2006

Well I had a vanilla shake for breakfast. Drank lots of water.

Then I attempted to stomach a banana shake for lunch, but heaved, so in order to have a chance of obtaining Ketosis I opted for a chicken, cheese and mayo mix over sliced cucumber.

I'll be testing my surine tonight when I get home.

Dinner will be another vanilla shake.

15th FEBRUARY 2006

Got home and drank a banana shake, which made me want to heave, didn't enjoy it.

HHhhmmmm... then went to Sainsbury's yesterday to buy some emergency portein supplies to get me through the first couple of days of the Cambridge Diet, as I know it can be rough.

Picked up organic eggs, a packet of fresh tuna steak, prawns and roast chicken and some scones and picked them up 69p they were.

I figured I could start my Cambridge Diet another day instead. (CD is a low calorie -low carbohydrate diet)

After much will power I put those lovely warm fresh scones down and walked to the counter with my 'protein'.

I wouldn't say I was chuffed and proud of myself, I just felt deprived.

Got home and 'treated' myself to a warm Vanilla shake and a few slices of chicken.

Then I went to bed.

Hopefully I'll be in ketosis in no time.

Thanks for listening

15th February 2006

Yeeehhaaaaa...! The day after Valentines thank gawd.

Anyway I went to Boots last night to weight myself and find out how much I really weigh and how much I need to lose.

What I love about Boots (the chemist) is that the weighing machine gives me my ideal weight (in imperial and metric) so I have something to aim for.

DATE: 14/02/2006
WEIGHT: 19stones 2lbs (121.6Kgs)
TARGET WEIGHT: 10stones 6lbs (66.2Kgs)

This equates to a total weight loss of: 8stones 10 lbs (55.4kgs)


I also took measurements of myself.

WEIGHT: 19stones 2lbs (121.6Kgs)
ANKLE: 9½" (24.1cm)
CALF: 17½" (44.5cm)
THIGH: 34" (86.4cm)
FOREARM: 11" (27.9cm)
BICEP: 13" (33.0cm)
HIPS: 55" (139.7cm)
WAIST: 45¾" (116.2cm)
MIDRIFF: 49¾" (126.4cm)
BUST/CHEST: 41½" (105.4cm)

I must admit the Cambridge Diet is the hardest diet I've done and will ever do. Just to get into it takes so much willpower and discipline.

14th February 2006

Almost time for me to go home so this will be my last post today.

I'm OK. I'm in a decent enough mood.

14th February 2006 -

Happy Valentines Day xxx
(I didn't intend on acknowledging this day, but it's all around me)

Did crap yesterday.

I feel addicted to food lately. It's a horrible situation to be in and I'm hating it quite a lot. It's a vicious circle.

I worry about my career prospects - the job I'm in is worthless and not going anywhere. I've learnt nothing new.

I had the first of two job interviews yesterday. It went OK. The job sounds fab, but I don't feel confident about getting it. My confidence is at a low in all aspects of my life.

I worry about money - I don't earn much and have £13,000 worth of student debt (I have two degrees and I'm in a job that insults my qualifications and work experience; the job isn't what they advertised) to pay off.

If I'm honest I'm a trifle lonely too.

I eat to comfort myself from it all. Yet I loathe the way I look and the way I feel. It's been ages since I went to the gym so I'm going to start going again as I think that makes me feel better about things.

Back on the wagon today, but I wonder for how long before the demons get to me.

Life is such a struggle. I feel I've been struggling for a very very long time.

May be bloody Valentines Day has affected me more than I wanted it to, ggrrrr.......!

Thanks for listening. As always comments/words of support and advise are welcome.

xxxxx

MONDAY 13th FEBRUARY 2006

The weekend was conducted with culinary debauchery for which I have no regrets. I didn’t do that well because I didn’t each that much, and didn’t consume the foods I really craved, much to my chagrin.

Why no regrets?

Because I knew I’d be starting the Cambridge Diet today Monday 13th February 2006. So here I am, the day before Valentines day so far surviving on my first shake, Vanilla. Vanilla is nice warm and I always have to have a warm drink in the mornings – they seem to possess more substance. I’ve also drank 500ml of water and 350ml of herbal tea. I should be aiming for about 5 litres per day so I’m not even close as yet.

I’m feeling sick (my throat is still sore) dizzy, and extremely lethargic. Hopefully this will pass.

I still don’t have internet access at home, so my blogs are limited to Monday-Friday. Sorry.

Here’s hoping I succeed.

10th February 2006

Time Is Slipping Away .......

OK so I've set goals and it's Mid February already. I'm still confident I can do it.

I'm contacting my Cambridge Counsellor today to top-up my packs and start afresh on Monday.

Each year I complete two 5-kilometre runs for Cancer Research UK usually in Sutton Park and Canon Hill park (see http://www.raceforlife.org/) , well I attempt to run but walk for most, nearly all of it. I've always wanted to get into running but found it hard going on my knees, so I'm hold out on all events (I think the Breakthrough Breast Cancer event may be too mcuh gor me 60km is ALOT).

Next year I'll do the breakthrough breast cancer event, if not I'll be doing:

one 5Km Race For Life in Canon Hill Park http://www.raceforlife.org/
and

one 10Km : http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/10k/venues/west_wycombe_park/


On a positive note, I have an interview with a recruitment consultant for a position working for Autoglass. As time has passed I've become less convinced of my suitability for the position but I'm doing it anyway.

I also found out last night that I have an interview with Groundwork EBS which sound right up my street. Working here is stiffling and disabling in terms of professional growth.

I also have another interview with a consultancy the week after.

Here's hoping.

Thanks for listening.

9th February 2006

I'm still not 100%, but am better.

I will start my Cambridge Diet on Monday.

I've also decided to use www.breakthoughweekend.org as my target goal.

Wish me luck by leaving a message in my 'comments'.

"without struggle there is no progress"

Thanks for reading and listening.

8th Feb 2006

Feeling totally unwell. I'm full of cold, I still have tonsillitis and I'm now feeling dizzy.

Wonderful.

2nd February 2006

Not feeling too well this morning. My right tonsil is painful - I'm just hoping it isn't the flu virus thats going around at the moment. Hopefully it will pass in 24 hours so that it doesn't leave me feeling sad and cause me eat to food.

It's 8am and I'm sat here drinking my first shake (it's Strawberry flavour) of the day, unsually early for me. I've decided to drink it cold and to my surprise I'm liking it, it's the first shake I've drank cold. Actually I was never a real fan of the Strawberry shake when it was wawrm, so this will be a cold 'un.

Well I made contact with a new Cambridge Diet Counsellor yesterday and now I'm feeling much more positive about the whole thing. I really didn't get on with the other one.

Thanks for listening.

"Without Struggle There Is No Progress"

I found this saying on another blog and found it inspiring for many facets of my life, most notably my weight loss.

There will be a struggle - but the reward reaped at the end will be unquantifiable.

Thanks for listening.

xx

01 FEB 2006

I'm back. I've not felt nor have been able to post over the last couple of days.

My Cambriedge Diet starts AGAINNNNNNNNN today. I've still not had my PC back, so my blogs are only Monday-Friday. Weekends are my weakest times but I'm determined to stick to it this time, I know what to expect (even if it isn't going to be pleasant!)

Even when I've tried eating my favourites the taste of them has changed, for the worst, so here's to drink sweet shakes for the next 16 weeks!

Roll on KETOSIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!