FRIDAY 15th DECEMBER 2006

2 litres of water drunk so far. I will get my 3rd in by 13:45.

Ate a Malt Toffee CD bar for breakfast .... it took me ages, in part because I thought it tasted foul. Oh boy my taste buds must be changing - or may be it's because I prefer it cut up and frozen ... we'll see. Thankfully I only have 1 left. I think I'll stick to the shakes for this diet.

The Christmas Party is going to be so rubbish. Some people are having second thoughts because it's smart wear and they want to wear jeans. How silly!

The people here are so dull. I'm wondering whether my choice of outfit is too glam - either way I'm going to wear it, and wear it well.

So I don't have my shake as I can't be bothered. I'm no longer hungry. Although I was tempted to order chips on room service. And I did, but then cancelled. virtue got in the way

As far as I'm concerned this is my diary so I'm going to be as honest as possible.

I had to dinner they put on offer and scrummy it was too.

1st course : seasonal melon with a berry coulis. I didn't eat mine

2nd Course: vegetable soup. I took one small sip and left the rest. I did eat the bread roll. Yummy, yummy yummy, but don't miss it in the slightest. I can cope without another bread roll for the next 8 months I'm pretty darn sure.

3rd Course: salmon with vegetables (including boiled potatoes). I ate all of it bar 1.5 potatoes, meaning I had half a potato

4th course:profiteroles. I didn't eat them. Don't like them, never will.

5th course: Christmas pud with Brandy sauce. I took a tiny piece and found it excruciatingly sweet (must be my CD taste buds!)

I had water throughout (my literage for the day was circa 4 -5 litres).

I had two vodka and tonics - but stayed away from the wine. I dunno, I felt a tad guilty and didn't want to do too much damage and I didn't feel at all deprived.

My manager - whom I don't see eye to eye with said that she thought in her mind last week that I'd lost weight. I confirmed this and said around 2 stones. She was like "wow".
Not that I've made a show of it, in fact I've tried to be discreet, but she and my other colleague said to me "oohh, those shakes must be working!" LOL

Lots of people took a double take of me and I was told I looked stunning. I look fairly drab at work - I do this so as to draw distinction between 'out of the office' 'in the office' and 'out on the town'

My dress was strapless and tight and sexy. I wore it a few years ago and then tried it a few months back but it didn't fit. It fit me yesterday though. Size 18, Wallis - thank God for Wallis sizing!

One guy I kinda had the hots for a few months back kept catching my eye around the dinner table. He thinks I look fine anyway, but said I looked gorgeous. We had a dance he kissed me goodbye (some of them were off out to a club - I couldn't go, my shoes were made for decoration purposes only!) and kept kissing me on the lips, in fact if I left him, tongues would have been involved. He then said "I like you" in this shy quite voice (he is shy) and I said "don't tell anyone, but "I like you too". I kinda said it jokingly because you just never know do you, he may well be lying in his bed regretting what he said. I was only slightly inebriated so I remember EVERYTHING.

Anyway that was my night ... I'll continue with a next post titled "16th December 2006"

Much love all and thanks for reading!

Tuesday 12th December 2006

Went to Asda to but a wee cardigan for a Christmas do we're having. They didn't have any in my size so I became super frustrated angry and nearly started crying. All I saw were Size 8's - tht pushed my over the edge I kept thinking "which post pubescent woman is a size 8 anyway!!!!!" I was so angry that I ripped it while I was trawling throught the clithes rack and I didn't care. I was annoyed with Asda and the clothing industry, I was annoyed with myself for not havign cracked CD months ago so that I would be a normal size and wouldn't have to resort to going to Asda for a poxy cardigan. I was angry angry angry. I so want to look nie, but then started thinking that someone my size aint gonna look good anyway so what's the point in trying. I was angry because I've seen gorgeous dresses in River Island, Debenhams etc. that would have suited me to a 'T' instead as always in my life I'm having to 'make do' I don't wanna make do any more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought this will be the last year. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Asdas I went to and the story was the same throughout! I couldn't bring myself to drive to the other one, but had it in my head that I'd drive past the one in Long Eaton tomorrow morning - how desperate and frustrating. I still may.


I was so upset I drove to MacDonalds and binged, binged binged on 9 chicken nuggets (I didn't want anything carby). My binge occured between Asdas. It was my intention to buy another 20 and scoff them, so drove to Asda's via another MacDonalds. Alas I didn't buy another 20, the 9 started making me feel sick mentally and physically. I HATE MacDonalds - I don't go there.

I got home and checked my urine and it's still in the pink - thankfully. I've also downed 500ml of water in the vain hope that it may make a difference in cleansing and washing my system. I've also decided not to have any more soups or shakes for the day as I've done the dirty with the chicken nuggets.

Thus today:
3 litres of water
1 strawberry shake
1 Chicken and Mushroom shake with white pepper - yum although near the bottom of my mug it was like drinking sand - yuk, never had that before!
9 Chicken nuggets

Thanks for listening .........

Sunday 10th December 2006 - Weigh & Measure Day

I never eat before I am weighed - I don't know of anyone on any diet who does. It's a rule I have and is a constant and thus any weight loss or gain is genuine.

This morning I got up decorated a cake that I made and then slowly but surely got ready to go and see my CDC. I knew which flavours I was going to buy. I definitely wanted to stock up on Cappuccino Flavour, my favourite of the sweet shakes and the new Cheese and Broccoli, if my Counsellor had any in - I wasn't banking on it as it's a new flavour. To be honest I wasn't sure how much I'd way, but I was hoping to have just dipped below 19Stones to about 18St 13Ibs. I'd have been happy with that.

Whilst at my counsellors house another lady came by and she looked so good, I assumed she was hoping to lose a stone or two, imagine my delight when she tells me she's lost 5 stones!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's amazing. I love meeting these people.

On being weighed my CDC informed me that I am now 18St 11Ibs :-) So I can officially proclaim to the world I AM IN THE 18's. Admittedly it's not a great loss for two weeks but 1) I really haven't had a good two weeks and 2) I've broken through that awful 19 stone barrier that was really pissing me off.

So now I wave goodbye to the 19's for good and look towards the 17s, if I work my ass off I can doing it by the first or second week of January. Once I hit the 17's I know my clothes will start feeling looser - I can't wait! :-D

I've really complained about my CDC before, but I realise that if I'm doing well she's good, if I'm behaving like a navel gazer she has no time for me. Some might say it's a bad attitude to have and I'd be inclined to agree, but her attitude is what has been spurring me on so I'm happy to keep her as my counsellor. One of her other clients has one Cambridge Dieter of the year 2006 and she herself won Cambridge Counsellor of the Year 2006, so may be she is worth sticking with.

Anyway I've packed 3.5 litres of water in over the last 4 hours plus I've had two shakes. I'm feeling full to bursting, I'm not sure I'll be having anything else today!

Ciao for now ......

Saturday 9th December 2006

I'm feeling much more positive about the diet. Albeit I'm still tempted by food. It is almost spring and I need to get a spring in my step.

My knee is still giving me trouble but I've found a way around the whole exercise thing - rather than jumping around, I'll go swimming instead. I'l put off the aerobics classes until next week. So my plan is to swim a few lengths tomorrow, then do an aquaerobics class Monday evening.

So far I've marked off 4 days on my '100-days of Sole Sourcing' chart. It's quite satisfying seeing those crosses which mark off the days. 96 more days to go. Looks like I won't be eating Christmas day dinner! There's always next year God willing.

So far today:

500ml water - I drank this first thing.
1/2 chocolate shake (mixed with psyllium husk) - I cannot wait to see my CDC so that I can get some more flavours I'm sick of Chocolate flavour, but that seems the only think I have left in the 'sweets'.

I've drunk another 500mls of water - easy peasy really. I can down a 1 litre in one go.

I'm currently just finishing a Lactose Free Mushroom soup. I remember the days when this was the only soup I'd touch, can you believe it?!

I'm off to get my eyebrows sorted.

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Well it's 3:45AM. I did have my eyebrows threaded - it wasn't as painful as I'd thought it would be given I've left my eyebrows to grow for some months now.

When I got back I found time to bake a cake in anticipation of the fayre my local park is holding in honour of the erection of a new band stand. I coldn't really be bothered to bake it. I was told I didn't have to bake a cake, but as I'd already pledged it I didn't want to let myself and others down - sheesh listen to me! If only I was as determined about my weight loss! Anyway as per usual there days, I baked the cake blind i.e. didn't taste the mixture as I don't want to jeapordise ketosis.

I wet out on the town. What was looking like an ordinary night turned into a fab one. I really don't know how my friend does it .... atttracting men! Luckily I wasn't out on the prowl - that won't happen until April when I should be around 14 stones.

I was dancing - I'm a bit of a dance addict when a good choon is played. My knee was still giving me trouble. :(

So, so far today I'm drunk three litres of water and had three shakes. I was desperately tempted today! I must think of my 100-day chart and my lovely green coat to spur me on. Seeing those girls in lovely clothes this evening helps too!

THANKS FOR LISTENING

Friday 8th December 2006

I'm feeling bored of this diet. I really fancy something different like salmon and potatoes.

Anyhow - I know I shouldn't have but I stepped on the scales and they said 19St 3Ibs; thus there is despondency there.

I'm beginning to think me losing 7 stones aint gonna happen.

1/2 Chocolate shake down

2.5 litres of water consumed so far.

I am a bit bored, in part because ALL I have left are bloomin' chocolate shakes and soups. I'm looking forward to getting some more shakes and trying the Stilton and Broccoli Soup. Hopefully my counsellor will have some, I forgot to ask her - but then again she sounded busy. The only thing that got me through the last few hours have been thinking about how gorgeous BuxomWench looks Friday 8th December 2006I'm feeling bored of this diet. I really fancy something different like salmon and potatoes.Anyhow - I know I shouldn't have but I stepped on the scales and they said 19St 3Ibs; thus there is despondency there.I'm beginning to think me losing 7 stones aint gonna happen.

1/2 Chocolate shake down2.5 litres of water consumed so far.

I am a bit bored, in part because ALL I have left are bloomin' chocolate shakes and soups. I'm looking forward to getting some more shakes and trying the Stilton and Broccoli Soup. Hopefully my counsellor will have some, I forgot to ask her - but then again she sounded busy. The only thing that got me through the last few hours have been thinking about how gorgeous BuxomWench looks (page 15). http://tinyurl.com/y3982y

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I'm crap and I'm feeling CRAP. I've just had a huge BINGE.I'm feeling really down and lonely.It's Friday night, I'm alone and don't have any friends to go out with ... dull, dull, dull!Binged on blanched cashew nuts. I've drank a litre of water (my 4th of the day) to compensate somehow.
Fat
Lonely
Single
Bored
That's me!


I'm seriously despondent. Honestly, I so want to be in the 18s I've been hovering on the border for weeks now. How long does one have to wait?! It's so annoying.I'm seriously pissed off. My knee is giving me gyp, it's painful for me to get on and off the loo and to add insult to injury the only reason why my 'front bottom' is like Niagra Falls is because I'm drinking so much damned water for this damned diet.

*GRUMP*

Thursday 07 December 2006

OK, I needed reassurance this morning so I stepped on the scales. They said 19St 1.5Ibs, which I am happy about as that means I did put on fat last week, some how, but am slowly edging towards the 18's. I so don't want to be the same weight I was when I last saw my CDC - that would be disappointing for me AND my CDC is very encouraging when I'm losing. I'm seeing her this weekend so fingers crossed I can drop a 2Ibs and getting into the 18's by then.

7:00AM - 1 litre of water

8:30AM - cup of tea

I came home starving. Now I'm not. I've just consumed 500ml (daily total = 3.5 litres). I've yet to drink my 3rd and 4th shake.

I went to River Island today to see what clothes I wanted to buy in anticipation of my metamorphosis I'll probably buy something next season, although I do prefer winter fashion - there was nothing that caught my eye.

Saw a coat in Dotty P's (Dorothy Perkins) Size 22, comfy fit. I'll buy that tomorrow as that'll see my through the cold weeks ahead.

I am going down stairs to make a soup. Probably Oriental Chilli.

I've had 4 litres of water so far and am currently making my way though my 4½th litre whilst I consume a whole chocolate shake in one go .... something I haven't done in ages. I'm doing it because it's too late to split them the way I like to.

Thanks for listening ....

Wednesday 6th December 06

Just finished a 1/2 packet of toffee and walnut shake - 1 down, one to go. I think the flavour tastes a bit like vanilla, which I've gone off. I can't wait to get come more cappuccino!

1.5 litres of water consumed so far.

Went to Tesco with work colleague with the intention of buying some cooked chicken. I decided not to. I'm drinking Oriental Soup sans any food.I'm feeling OK, but I'm finding things a little hard.

2.5 litres consumed so far.

1/2 strawberry shake consumed.

People are asking me why I'm quiet. Gggrrr... you just can't win.

I'm cheerful and it's construed as 'loud' 'mad' 'gregarious' 'brash' and I'm treated like the class clown etc. I'm quiet and I'm being asked why.I'm feeling miserable because I'm sick of the front I have to put on to feel part of the team, to feel I fit in. It's so sapping! I'm sick of TRYING.They think I'll be acting like a class clown at the Christmas do as well. I don't want to go I really don't, but friends have advised me to go because I have to be seen to 'fit in' a 'team player'. I hate office politics and it's made worse when you're fat!I need a hug and kiss from my boyfriend - alas I haven't had one for six long years.

I've paid for my hotel now so I have to go. I think it'll put me in good sead for my career in the long run and enable me to earn oodles! I constantly feel I'm on the defensive from everyone because whilst I'm outwardly confident my weight and appearance (I know you think I'm alright looking but lets not go there again ....) are breaking my heart. Thus when someone is having a laugh and a joke I take it personally when possibly a rational person wouldn't. It really has caused me problems in the past and I don't want to jeapordise the job and friends I have at the moment. It's bloomin' hard though. I wish there was someone I could confide in at work, but there isn't.

As for men - I dont' wish for a boyfriend, just wish *sometimes* I knew someone loved and desired me.

So on a change of subject:4 litres of water consumed todayI'm in the pink ever so slightly, so I'm chuffed to bits! I will now not test it.

Monday I drew a 10x10 grid to mark of the days of SSing. I'm two days in thus far. If I'm naughty then the grid is started again.

I've yet another cake in the oven - and it smells divine (think cinnamon, nutmeg, rum soaked fruit and brandy). I haven't tasted it at all.Overcame some serious temptation.

See: http://www.minimins.com/news-please-read/5437-food-dump-6.html

I think 4 litres of water per day is my maximum. I don’t think I can fit anymore in without peeing myself on the way home and being on the loo throughout the night.

Just waiting for the cake to bake then off to sleep.

Doing exercise does wonders for my mood, so I'm going to make an effort to be a regular attendee.

Tuesday 05 December 2006

The scales say : 19St 4Ibs :( L

I have a headache ..... hhmm... I wonder why? Is it because I started off well, then met a friend for drinks?!

Anyway, I'm pleased I'm still in with a chance of making it to 18St 8Ibs for New Years Eve.

I'm very lethargic today and headachey.

I've had 1 litre of water thus far and am now drinking tea.__________________

2nd Litre of water - drunk.

12:15 - drank a vegetable soup and took two pysillium husk capsules. I can't really say I was hungry but had it as it was the right thing to do! I'm halfway through a 500ml of water and am contemplating how I'm going to cope over the next few days. I really want to look nice and wear what I want to, not what I have to make do with, so I'm using that to spur me.

So far so good.

My tummy has just taken receipt of 1/2 Toffee and Walnut Shake (in the absence of my yummy ice cold cappuccino). Twas OK, but nothing to write home about. It adds variety at least.

I've also consumed 1/2 litre of water, bringing my daily total thus far, to 3 litres of water.

Flippin' wishful thinking on my part, but I did test my urine I'm not in ketosis, but I'm not hungry either - I put that down to getting into a routine of not eating much these days.

On my drive home I did start having cravings to eat, but I have taken to pinching myself and visualising AKB (Alisa's) business card to get me through.

I'm drinking tea at the moment. I have 1 more shake (probably chocolate muffin) and 1 more soup (oriental chilli) to have today, before I go to bed, or go to Salsa depending upon my mood.

I've just got back from Merry Hill. I bought a green coat.

Green is my favourite colour. There's lots on green in the shops at the moment, but not in my size. So I bought a size 16 coat for myself. To hell with it I thought, I'll shrink into it! I intend on buying more stuff in size 16 in green in anticipation of my shrinkage! I love green and blue and have never been able to whole-heartedly indulge in my love of colour because I've had to make do.

Anyway I've just tried the jacket on and it 'fits' but doesn't button up properly, which is good as I think it will do me for at least 3-4 stone of my journey.

I'm knackered and really can't be bothered to have my 3rd and 4th shakes. Naughty I know. Tomorrow will be better.

Just a note to you all who read and comment upon my diary .... thank you so much, you have no idea of how much I appreciate this, you are really helping me through.

Thanks for listening ……..

Monday 4th December 2006

I chose to be naughty and now I'm annoyed with myself.

Sometimes I think I need saving from myself! No pity party ... just wanted to vent frustration with myself.

Tomorrow I'll bloody do this! My goal is set for May 2007! I'm only cheating myself and it is ONLY ME wo choses to be naughty. No one is forcing food down my throat.Being in ketosis is great ...! I just need to get into ketosis so that I have an incentive not to be naughty.

Whilst I'm not in ketosis I'm haunted by my chatterbox!

Spleen Vented!

Thursday 30th November 2006

I'm feeling ill. My left tonsil has swollen up and I'm not feeling great. Oh -hum.

I've drunk 1.5 litres of water thus far today and am looking to SS now.

How much water does TOTM cause us women to retain?

I know consumption of carbs can add 3-4Ibs (sometimes more) of water.I'm a bit miffed I decided to carb the day I start my TOTM! So I'm retaining water on two counts.

Yesterday the scales said 19st 3Ibs grrr... any how, I'll be smashing through to those 18's next month and the 17's by New Years Eve!

Thanks for listening

Wednesday 29th November 06

My TOTM (time of the month) is here with a vengence! I had nothing but back ache today and everything tasted funny.Luckily I didn't really have much of an appetite. I'm feeling the same lethargy and indifference I often feel at this time of the month.

This morning I couldn't get up, I was so knackered. I gulped down 250ml of water then drank another 1 litre in the car on the way in to work.

Got to work, consumed a load of unsalted un roasted cashews (just the way I like 'em). Then had to throw them in the bin just to stop myself from eating the whole packet.

Circa 10AM I had my 1/2 Choccie Shake with husksconsumed more water.

Circa 12:30PM I drank water and took two capsules of husk and drank my oriental chilli soup. (Note: I never take the loose husks with hot shakes/soup as they swell into a gelatinous gloop which makes me gag.) I must say it tasted rather strange! As did the turkey rashers I bought with my to ease me back into ketosis.

Thus far 3.5 litres of water consumed.

16:30 - Just as I was leaving for work I remembered I hadn't had the other half of my choccie shake so drank that in the car on the way home.Got home, went to the loo, checked my water and it's slightly pink, bizarrely.

Just drinking my Lactose Free Mushroom flavour and 500ml of water. I'll probably have a few more nuts and another shake, only because I have to (have a 4th shake). I'll also aim to gulp another litre of water.

I've had another 500ml of water taking my literage to 4.5 litres today thus far.

I've also had a 1/2 Cappiccino shake. This was the first shake I ever consumed on this diet back in February 2006 and found it repulsive! This time I made it with very cold water and of course, husks! Tasted really good! I wish I bought more.

Now I'm full and really don't fancy anything more, but I have 1/2 a packet left so have drunk it for the sake of.

Cheerio!

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

I’ve eaten some carbohydrates at lunchtime today. I don’t’ feel guilty or bad. I’ve not had an AAM week, I’m not sure I want one given I’ve not followed the diet it it’s entirely. So just to keep my body balanced I ate couscous and salad for lunch. The carbohydrates have left me feeling very sleepy, however I know this is temporary. I’m having soup for dinner tonight and will be fully back on track tomorrow. I found the prospect rather daunting however I felt it needed to be done. Hopefully I’ll be in ketosis on Thursday and this will kick me headlong into the 18’s. Hopefully I’ll be well into them by the time I CDC which is next Sunday 10th December.

I usually break out in hideous spots and feel grotty and headachey when my periods due. Usually one week before the spots come. Today I started my P’s and no spots in sight, in fact my head knew I was due, but because I hadn’t seen the spots etc. I assumed I wasn’t. Hurrah for CD! The consumption of water and minerals must be a good help! Great!

Wish me luck and could do with your support girls and boys.

I'm going to play catch up and post what I post on the Minimins Forum.

I am also pledge to everyone that reads my blog to write here everyday, even if it's a cut and paste jobby from my other diary (and visa versa)

Ciao Bellos & Bellas